What I wish I'd known at the start

I was forty-two the first time I bought anything for myself. It arrived in a plain box and I hid it in a wardrobe for three weeks.

Here is what I would tell that version of me.

You will buy the wrong thing first

Almost everyone does. The first purchase is usually too much, or too little, or something that looked completely different on a screen. Budget for it. It is not a mistake, it is a calibration.

The second purchase is the one that matters, because by then you actually know something.

Cheap is expensive

I bought a bargain first and replaced it within two months. Two of those is one good one. The materials thing is real — a non-porous surface cleans properly, and porous does not, no matter how carefully you wash it.

Nobody is thinking about you

The fear is always the same: the postman, the neighbour, the person at the counter. In twenty years I have never once had a reaction. Plain packaging is plain. Nobody looks twice at a box.

Say the awkward thing early

With a partner, the first time you mention it is the worst it will ever be. It gets easier on the second sentence, not the second conversation. Do not save it up for a special occasion — that makes it heavier, not lighter.

Go slower than you think

I approached it like a project. Reading, researching, buying. What I actually needed was to slow down and pay attention to what felt good rather than what looked impressive.

Three years in, my collection is smaller than it was in month two. That is the whole lesson.